Rollercoaster Emotions

I am truly a mood swinging Mama.

Yesterday I felt awesome, I felt healthy and pretty all day long. Even in uniform.

Today after stepping on the scale I really need to stop weighing myself everyday I felt like a cow, fat and not so pretty.

Self-deprecating...

Yep, that's my MO.  I can't always be happy with myself.

Good news is, I saw one of the gals on base I don't see very much and she says that I am getting thinner and thinner every time she sees me.

SCORE!!

Every time I have a day wear I feel like a fat slob I have to remind myself how healthy I feel.  When we moved into our house going up and down the stairs a couple of times wore me out.  Now I can run up and down several times before I start getting winded. I know I'm healthier even if my body is slow to show it.

I can finish this!

New Mom Worries, School, and Other Randomness

School starts today!! OMG!!! I'm super excited but apprehensive at the same time. 

I haven't been a full time student since Fall 2009. Life has gotten in the way so I have only taken classes randomly here and there.

Last time I was full time; I was engaged, 1 car payment and a few other bills, renting a nice home near campus, working 3/4 time, and preparing for a deployment.  Fast forward 2 years:  I am married, have a 10 month old child, a mortgage, litany of bills (2 car payments), 3/4 time job, and my weekend Warrior duties.

It's a little cause to be worried, but I will survive!!!  Minus a few meltdowns (sorry family in advance I will try to control myself, but no promises).

Moving on to my lil man who now has 3 teeth (4th soon to be here soon I bet), standing on everything he can, and walking along slowly.  Unfortunately that means him falling and crashing into things.  I am pretty good when it's a moderate fall, on his butt, his side or a slight bump on the head with a toy.

What I can't handle is the full on fall into something.

Case in point:  last night he is walking along the coffee table, trips over my husband foot and bangs his head on the bottom of the couch which is nothing more than fabric covered wood.  It upset me a little and I was fine, until he stopped crying 10 secs after he started (with the whole holding his breath thing).  He stopped stared off in space and kinda drooled a little bit. Until we said his name and then he started crying.

Holy crap, I freaked out and checked his pupil response and everything to asses a head wound. He was fine but it freaked both my husband and I out.  BAD!!

I am trying to not be THAT Mom that freaks out over every little bump and bruise. It doesn't help having a medical background and knowing a lot of things that can go wrong.

Oh well live and learn right!?

Slowly Picking up Speed

Weighed myself this morning at I saw a wonderful number 216.4!! I'm back down minus .2 lbs to what I was before I fell off the wagon!! Woohoo!! Means I lost 2.2 lbs from last week!! I'm pretty excited!

Last week I did 4 sessions of cardio and 2 sessions of weight training! Pretty good for jumping back into things.

I plan on doing better this week, especially with school starting today I will need the ME time to run out my frustration and stress.

Wish me luck!! Goal is to lose and average of 1-2 lbs a week. No more plateaus for me!!

Can I go back to Grade School?

I remember when going back to school meant a shiny new back pack, new notebooks, new clothes, new pens, pencils, crayons, colored pencils, and so many more simple things.

I used to hate back to school shopping for clothes because my mom never let me have the 'cool' clothes because they showed to much skin or whatever.

I loved the first day of school and being able to see my friends I hadn't seen all summer long.

I loved meeting the teacher and wondering how cool he/she was going to be.

I anticipated learning so many new things.

NOW THAT I'M IN COLLEGE???

You want $600+ for textbooks???  $2200+ for tuition??  Fee for this, a fee for that.

It's times like these I want to run back to my Mommy and say please buy me some new clothes for school!

I am still anticipating the first day of my classes because I love to learn.

I always hope the teacher speaks proper English so I know what's going on.

I always pray for the energy to stay awake reading the 60+ pages for classes.

I still love the smell of new textbooks, pencils, notebooks, and binders.

It's been since Fall of 2009 since I had a full course load, and especially with science classes. Things weren't as expensive obtaining my Associates in Criminal Justice.

Now I'm doing 13 credits with a soon to be 1 year old, Mortgage payment, 3/4 time job, plus my Weekend Warrior once a month.  Oh lordy, I don't know how my parents did it with 5 kids, both full time jobs, and 15+ credits.

Pray for my sanity this semester.

Is There Really a Light at the End of the Tunnel?

Someone please tell me that there is a light at the end of this weight loss tunnel?

I am in serious fail mode.

I have not worked out in about a week 10 days. Unless you count the many rounds around the Zoo, Mall, Discovery Center, Boise Penitentiary, and the neighborhood.

I ate like a fat kid for those 10 days. I ate anything and everything I have been avoiding since January. I drank soda like it was going out of style, and drank maybe half the amount of the water I usually did. 

Did I mention the 6 Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies yesterday?

I somehow conveniently forgot to do my weigh in for the last two Fridays, because I was afraid to see what it would tell me.

My stomach has not been very forgiving either.  Many mad dashes to the bathroom at random inopportune times.

I told myself I would get back on the weight loss "wagon" today.  So to try and freak myself out even further? I weighed myself, what is my weight you ask??  218.6!  I only gained a pound or so.

Eeek!!

I need to finish this dang journey with or without anybody trying this alongside me.

I am re-establishing my goals here and now:

Make military HT/WT by October 1st

Improve my APFT Score to 220 range

Be under 200 by Cole's 1st Birthday (10/21/2011)

Maintain a healthy weight

That's it!! That's all I have left. I have redone my goals a million times, and I feel like a failure.  I can do this just have to find my balance between life, because it seems to be getting in the way.

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing all this and it's not getting me anywhere, but that is always my fail in life. Motivation is fleeting sometimes and I just have to look more into the positive.

On a good note, I wore leggings the other day with a top just covering my butt and I felt the thinnest I had in a long time.